


A Family Again

by kierathefangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alive John & Mary Winchester, Daddy John Winchester, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mary being motherly to Cas, Motherly Mary Winchester, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-03 04:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5275949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierathefangirl/pseuds/kierathefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bobby, Gabriel, and Cas meet John & Mary Winchester. (I know Bobby's met John before.) Fluff. Mary is all motherly and kind to Cas. John is taken aback by Cas' past and softened by it. John isn't such a jerk, he plays around a bit with his boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deal with Lucifer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeweldancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/gifts).



> This took a while to write, though it was well worth the time. Has John, Mary, Dean, Sam, Cas and Gabriel's POVs. (Not confident enough to try out Bobby POV just yet.) Lots of fluff. Mary's all motherly and is really nice to Cas. John is rude (and even goes so far as to ask if his water is poisoned) but softens up.

“So what did you mean they can hear us?”

Cas grins. “I may or may not have had an influence in that.”

“What did you do?” I yawn tiredly, snuggling closer to him on the luxurious bed.

Cas takes a deep breath. “Where do you want me to start?”

“What I know: Dad sold his soul to Azazel. Mom made a deal and he killed her.”

Cas nods and I settle down for the story, studying his expression curiously.

“So, John sold his soul to a demon. The demon in turn put you back in your body. Azazel, obviously. So...I heard Gabriel talking about his deal: Azazel had him only until the apocalypse ended. I went to Lucifer to work out a deal: Azazel loses John, but I wouldn’t interfere with other deals in the future after they’ve been made.”

I frown. “Did he agree?”

“Yes, to my surprise, he agreed. He gave me John and I lifted his soul up to Heaven to be rejoined with Mary—his soulmate, of course. And your mother. She was delighted and never stopped thanking me when I showed up to deliver him to Heaven.”

“Simple enough. I expect she was happy. But can Heaven’s inhabitants just hear the world below?”

“There you have it.” Cas smiles warmly. “The key element. After several weeks of negotiations with Naomi, I convinced her to give them windows of time to hear us, see us: when all of us are gathered. You, Sam, me, and sometimes Bobby gather often. So when the three or four of us gather, they get to hear us interacting. John and Mary agreed. So....I don’t know if they _approve_ of whatever you two are doing, but they can hear you.”

I grin. “How many different times did it take?”

“About five, I believe. Naomi was reluctant to let them watch you. I had to negotiate it down to when we gather for her to agree.”

“So...if we gather, so do they.” I nod slowly. “That’s cool.”

Cas seems to know where my mind is going. “It would be difficult, but I might be able to negotiate more of a visiting time, where you, Sam, me, and maybe others can gather and talk with them. I think they’d like to get to know who you’ve become, both of you.”

“We should probably talk to Sam about it first, but I’d like that.”

**_Morning, in Sam’s motel room..._ **

“So we could talk and hug and everything?”

“Yes,” Cas replies, shrugging. “I could work something out so they can temporarily come down and join us, perhaps, but they’d feel very out of place—with so much having elapsed since they were last here.”

Sam nods slowly. “I wanna do it.”

I grin at Cas. “And so do I.”

Cas nods. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Cas disappears. I burst into laughter and Sam frowns at me.

“This is all...so impossible, you know? Bringing dead people back.”

Sam nods seriously. “Yeah. Mom and Dad.”

Someone knocks on the door and I peek out: Bobby. I pull it open and he steps inside.

I shut the door behind him, bouncing on my toes. “Hey.”

Sam grins. “Dean, you look like a four-year-old girl who was told unicorns are real and she’s going to see one. Calm down.”

Bobby looks around. “Where’s Cas?”

I laugh. “Up in Heaven negotiating to get our parents down here.”

“You know there’s serious consequences for doing something like that, right?”

I shake my head. “He’s done it before: he raised Dad to Heaven out of Azazel’s grasp with no consequences. We’re fine. Just wait, you’ll see.”

Cas reappears. “Dean.”

My head snaps up. He smiles tiredly, swallowing. “So, I mentioned the idea to Naomi. Bringing them down. She said there’s one problem: they’d have to be replaced. Two people would have to die. Two people innocent enough to go to Heaven.”

I consider the matter. “I know a few. Innocent _enough_ , but guilty enough no one’ll miss ‘em.”

Cas nods. “Okay.”

I pray the names to him and he nods just slightly. “Anything else?”

He shakes his head. “You’ll have to keep them hydrated for a few days. They’ve been dead for years.”

I nod slowly. “Easy enough.”

Cas disappears again. Sam frowns. “You didn’t give him the names.”

“Yeah, I did. I prayed it. I like being quiet when calling people out.”

Sam shrugs. Bobby scowls. “Do I know the people?”

“No. But know this: they’ve never sinned in the eyes of a God, but they insult everyone they’ve ever met ...which is saying something, because that includes me. No one’ll miss them.”

“Alright, then.” Bobby sighs. “I still think this is a bad idea.”

Cas reappears, sighing. “Lawrence, Kansas. That’s where they’ll pop up: right outside their foreclosed house. Your childhood home. Can you get there fast? She gave us two hours once they agreed to the terms.”

I shrug. “No biggie. I can get there in an-hour-forty-five. Everyone ready?”

Sam shrugs. “Yeah. Bobby?”

Bobby scowls. “Yeah. I just don’t like that John...I’ve got a bad feeling he won’t like me.”

Cas shrugs. “I mentioned you, he seemed excited to see you again.”

Bobby shrugs. “Whatever. Come on, no time to waste!”

We pile into cars and speed off towards Lawrence.


	2. John and Mary Winchester (Cas' POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets Mary and John, as does Gabriel, for the first time. Cas' POV. Some fluff, basically telepathic communication between Dean & Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some parts (AKA Cas talks about Heaven and his past) that I used for the story but don't know if it's true or not.

Dean stumbles on his way out of the car, racing in the open door to his childhood home. I reappear outside the car, flicking my hand to unlock Sam’s door. Sam slowly stands and shuts the door behind him.

Bobby slams the door to his truck. Tensions are clearly running high.

I push the door open in time to hear Dean shout, “Sammy!”

Sam picks up speed, rushing inside. Bobby slowly makes his way to the door before slipping inside.

I step in and shut the door behind us, ignoring the tension and anticipation radiating off of Bobby.

I flip the lights on with a vague gesture. Bobby blinks in the light, moving slowly towards Dean and Sam.

“Bobby, Cas?” Sam’s voice echoes in the empty building.

I glance at Bobby. “You go ahead, I don’t need to walk.”

Bobby strides after Sam, exclaiming loudly. “John!”

_His voice is too cheery for his own good,_ I note. _He’s overcompensating for his tension._

I wait until Dean calls, “Hey, Cas?”

I appear next to Dean immediately, blinking slightly in the bright lights. “I heard my name?”

Dean laughs, elbowing me playfully. “Sam already called you in, you know.”

“Did he?” I feign surprise, glancing at Sam.

Sam laughs, clapping me on the shoulder. “You hear him, as always. Profound bond and all.”

I smile warmly at Sam, shrugging. “Well, yes. Dean and I do share a more profound bond.”

Dean grins, sticking his tongue out at Sam. “Ha, ha.”

I shift my gaze to the disheveled humans in front of me, feigning disinterest. “Hello.”

John’s smile fades ever so slightly.

Mary offers her hand shyly. “Mary Winchester. I see you’ve met my son, Dean?”

I blink, accepting her hand and glancing at Dean, shaking her hand politely. “More than that, young Mary. I raised him from Perdition.”

John goes pale. “How did he get there, eh?”

I glance at Dean. “That is his to say, not mine. I am merely the angel who raised him and fell for him many times over. It’s...a long story.”

Dean smiles gratefully at me. “It took me quite a while to teach Cas manners and everything. Mom, Dad, this is Castiel. Angel of the Lord and all. _The_ Castiel from the Bible. We met his brother, Gabriel, too—also known as The Trickster, and Loki.”

I chuckle. “Well, not an angel as much now. Father dislikes me disobeying orders on your behalf, as does Naomi. You yourself know that, Dean.”

Dean laughs with me. “Well, yeah, but you’re still an angel enough to raise me from Hell if I die.”

I shrug, falling into my old patterns of being a ‘hammer’ angel temporarily. “True.”

Dean glances at Sam. “Sam, think you can call your little Archangel of the Lord?”

Sam frowns. “I could, I suppose, but...I don’t know if he’ll hear me.”

I raise an eyebrow. “He’ll hear you. He wants to hear you, unlike most angels, calling for him occasionally. He said he misses tricking you and Dean.”

Sam laughs. “Yeah, whatever. Gabriel!”

Gabriel grumbles, ignoring Sam. I can’t keep the grin off my face. “What?”

I shake my head. “He’s grumbling. Being all grumpy.”

Sam takes a deep breath. “Gabriel, get your feathery ass down here _now_!”

Gabriel appears instantly, crossing his arms. “No need to be bossy, Sammy.”

Sam elbows him hard in the stomach. “Jerk.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes. What are you calling for?”

Sam gestures. “Meet my mom and dad, John and Mary Winchester.”

“Ah.” Gabriel’s eyes light up as he turns, studying them curiously. “Hello.”

“ _You’re_ Loki.” John rolls his eyes. “Right.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrow. “This is a mere vessel, mortal. Our true forms—my brother, Castiel, and I—are the size of...what was it again, Cas?”

I smirk, giving him a teasing nudge. “ _Your Chrysler building_ , Gabriel. Around one thousand and fifty feet tall. Keep your facts straight.”

Gabriel shrugs. “I don’t need to. Anyway, as I was saying. This is merely a vessel, as with my brother.”

“You’re _possessing_ some poor bastard?” John’s eyes bug out of his head. “ _Why?_ ”

Gabriel makes a sound of frustration, sighing. “We don’t _possess_ people, John.”

I blink slowly. “Actually, we only use _willing_ recipients—people who _pray_ for this. But Jimmy Novak...is dead. I am the only one left here. He died when I did, unfortunately.”

John grits his teeth. “Do they _know_ that if you die, so do they?”

I fidget, moving back a step. “They are well aware of the risks, yes.”

John’s eyes narrow. “Why don’t I believe you?”

“Dad,” Dean protests quietly, sensing my distress. “Stop. Seriously. I’m not letting you treat him like that. He’s been my friend for a long time and he’s never done anything to make me doubt him.”

_‘I’m not letting you treat him like that. He’s been my friend for a long time and he’s never done anything to make me doubt him.’ I have, but he’s forgiven me even if I didn’t deserve it._

I take a deep breath. “He had a daughter, who was also made aware of the risk when things got...rough. It’s not my fault that he understood that and accepted that risk.”

I raise an eyebrow. “It’s also not my fault that you don’t believe me. Dean didn’t believe me at first, either. I wouldn’t expect any different from you, as _you raised him that way_.”

John bares his teeth. “What the Hell—what do _you_ know about that?”

I drop my gaze from his, murmuring under my breath. “He’s impossible.”

Dean steps closer to me, lacing his fingers with mine and smiling encouragingly at me.

I shiver, squeezing his hand. “Because Dean told me.”

“ _What?_ ” John shifts his anger to his son, and Dean flinches back. “What did you tell him?”

Dean mouths silently, at a loss for words. He turns to me, shaking his head slightly.

_I can’t tell him everything! He’d kill me—he’d kill you!_ Dean prays wordlessly. _What do I...I don’t know what to say! He’s my dad, I have to tell him something!_

I smile knowingly at Dean before lifting my gaze to John’s. “About _what_ , in particular? About you, I don’t know much—just that you trained him as a Hunter since he was four years old, which I know from Naomi, my superior angel, and I found out from him that you sold your soul to Azazel to save him...which I made a deal with Lucifer, and broke you free.”

John blinks. “ _Lucifer?_ ”

I shrug. “My brother. Oh, yes, Lucifer is as real as you or me. He’s possessed Sam before, and I’ve met him. My archangel brother Michael wanted to possess Dean before, but you know your own son; he stubbornly refused. Michael would’ve burned half the planet to save the other half.”

John mouths wordlessly. “ _Lucifer_ possessed _my son_?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Yes, Lucifer broke out of his cage. Lilith broke the sixty-sixth seal.”

John turns to Sam. “Sammy?”

Sam shrugs. “It’s really me. Cas and Gabriel can work wonders...when they want to.”

John throws his arms around Sam, hugging him tightly. “I’m glad you’re okay, Sammy.”

Sam hugs him back, his eyes closing. “I missed you, Dad.”

“Yeah, I missed you, Sammy.”

Sam smiles weakly at John. “I do have to say...don’t treat Cas like that. He’s not heartless, like some angels—namely, Uriel—and he can get hurt by your words. Same with Gabriel. Okay?”

John glares at me. “Fine.”

Dean scowls. “Dad, you’re glaring.”

I close my eyes, on edge. “Dean, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. He’s my dad, and if he’s gonna be sticking around he can’t treat you like dirt.”

I peek at Dean, taking in his concerned expression. “My father, and Naomi...they treat me much the same. I’m used to it. I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, well...I do.”

Dean wraps his arms tightly around me and John makes a strangled sound like a mouse being trodden on. “ _Dean Winchester!_ ”

Dean ignores him. I wrap my arms around him shyly, well aware of his mother’s curiosity and his father’s protests. “Of course you do. You always have.”

Mary clears her throat. “John. Come here a second.”

John wanders over and Mary whispers in his ear. I tune to them carefully, tightening my grip on Dean.

“Look at how he’s hugging Cas, that’s how we used to hug. He’s _clearly_ in love. And the way Cas is hugging him back, like he’s a buoy in a sea of darkness...Cas loves him, too. You can’t blame them for falling after all they’ve gone through together, John.”

John sighs. “Yeah, but he’s...he’s _gay_?”

Mary laughs softly. “No, he’s had girlfriends before. He’s bi.”

John grumbles, “Oh, that’s a great thought.”

Mary elbows him. “How would you like it if your dad treated me like that, huh? You’d hate it. Guaranteed he does, considering he seems to have taken after you and Sammy after me.”

John sighs again, slumping. “You’re right, sorry.”

Mary smiles softly. I shut my eyes, burying my face in Dean’s shoulder. _I like her._

For several minutes, no one says anything. The quiet, calm breathing of exhausted people permeates the room. At long last, Bobby clear his throat. “Didn’t Naomi say if they don’t drink water and lots of it for a few days, their throats will dry out and they’ll die of dehydration?”

I sigh, lifting my head. “She did, yes. The house has been foreclosed due to its history of bad things here, so I’d assume we’ll have to change that status.”

Gabriel sighs. “I’m bored.”

I lift my head, laughing at him. “Then find something to do that’s not destructive.”

Gabriel scowls. “You take the fun outta everything.”

He gestures similarly to how I did and a small bit of golden grace floats off his hand, repairing the house. “Now it’s not so dingy and boring. I’m still bored.”

Sam offers his hand. “How ‘bout we go somewhere. Just...no clowns, okay?”

Gabriel’s eyes light up and he accepts Sam’s hand. “Deal.”

The pair disappear. John jumps, stumbling into Bobby. “The hell did he just do to my son?”

I sigh and move away, taking Dean’s hand in mine. “We can fly and...what’s the word? Teleport. He just...teleported away to find something to do. Sam is fine. I’ve done it with Dean before.”

Dean chuckles. “Now, that just sounds dirty, Cas.”

John scowls. Dean is clearly far more comfortable now.

I roll my eyes, relaxing somewhat. “If it did, that was not my intention.”

Dean grins and turns to his dad. “It’s like you’re flying. Your stomach does some flips and then it’s over.”

John lets his breath out in a _humph_ , dissatisfied. “Where are they?”

“Somewhere without clowns. I don’t know. I can’t track Gabriel, and even if I could...that’s an invasion of privacy and I wouldn’t do it.”

Dean nudges me. “He knows manners, Dad.”

John scoffs. “You talk about him like he’s some pet dog you’ve trained up yet I can’t even look at him wrong. I don’t even know you anymore.”

“Yeah, well...you’ve been gone for three or four years. I’ve changed a lot in that time.” Dean tightens his grip on my hand. “I’ve made friends and enemies. I don’t _need_ you anymore, but I still want you here because you’re my dad and I still love you.”

“No chick flick moments.” John sighs. “It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“You know what? I’m done with that _no chick flick moment_ bullshit. It took me twenty-some years to tell Sammy I love him because of that bullshit. And it feels like it’s been a million. You’re distant, you’re being an asshole to my friends, and to Cas. _Grow up._ I have, and you need to as well.”

Mary touches John’s arm to keep him from charging forward and attempting to strangle Dean. “John.”

John’s enraged expression softens somewhat as he glances at Mary. He takes a deep breath, snapping, “Why’d you separate Cas from _your friends_? And no more damn attitude, Dean.”

“Cas is...” Dean glances at me and hesitates. “More than a friend. Much more than that. My friends didn’t raise me from Hell, didn’t break through mind control to keep me safe.”

“Mind control?”

I roll my eyes. “Naomi has a nasty habit of trying to control what I do. She’s tried about four hundred times to get me to kill Dean...and she twisted my mind to her devices. Dean, being...well, being Dean, broke through that the three or four times she attempted to put the mind training to the test.”

Dean shoots a quick glance at me, praying, _You never said four hundred times._

I shrug, mouthing in return, “ _I know._ ”

John explodes, “What the Hell is wrong with you two? You seem to always know things about the other.”

A smile creeps across my face. “Well, I’m an angel... _still_. He prays to me, and I hear what he’s saying. No need for words. It’s much easier, especially in situations where we’d rather others not hear what we’re saying, like...personal affairs, clarifications of facts.”

Dean blushes scarlet. “That’s one way to put it, I suppose. It’s almost like telepathy. You just...know when I want you there, without me saying or praying a word.”

“I did say I can sense your longing like a prayer.”

Dean’s blush deepens and Mary smiles at me. “You’re like...part of the family. You fit right in.”

I smile shyly at her, a faint blush touching my cheeks. “I’ve been here for about two or three years.”

John is clearly at a loss for words. I toss him a water bottle out of my jacket pocket, saying quietly, “Drink it. You’ll need it or you’ll dehydrate, which...though I wouldn’t really mind, Dean wouldn’t like that.”

John opens it, smelling it suspiciously. “How do I know you haven’t poisoned it?”

Dean snaps at John. “ _Dad!_ Cas would never do that. Just drink it, damn it, or I’ll tell him to send you back to Hell. There isn’t anything you can do about it.”

I blink, surprised. I raise an eyebrow at him and he shrugs as John takes a small sip of the water.

I pull out another bottle and hand it to Mary. She touches my hand in accepting it, a small shock going between our hands. She smiles and opens it, taking a large gulp. “Thank you, Cas.”

I smile at her, squeezing Dean’s hand. “Of course.”

John, seeing Mary’s bottle already half gone and her unharmed, downs the rest of his bottle in three large gulps before setting it on the counter. “We’ll have to get furniture to move back in. Our original possessions are either lost or sold, and Sam’s too big for his crib anymore.”

I toss him another bottle and he catches it, downing that one as well.

Mary smiles, setting down her empty bottle. “Sam’s taller than Dean, now. You’ve grown so much.”

Dean smiles at her nervously. “You did miss about twenty years.”

“That I did. Come here, Dean.”

She opens her arms and Dean drops my hand, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

Dean smiles again as he releases her. “I missed you, Mom.”

“I know.” Mary pinches his cheek. “I missed so much. I love you, Dean.”

“Love you, too, Mom.” Dean’s stern, straight-backed posture relaxes for the first time in what I expect to be about twenty or so years. His calm face relaxes and his smile becomes less strained.

Mary releases Dean, nodding. “I know you do.”

Bobby relaxes at last, slapping John on the back. “I’m gonna go get you two some water.”

John smiles encouragingly at him. “That’d be great, thanks.”

Bobby nods. “All forgiven, then?”

“Obviously. Thanks for taking care of my boys.”

Bobby slips out, and Dean kisses Mary’s forehead. She kisses his cheek, stepping back. “I think Sam’s hair needs a trimming, though.”

“He’d never let you.” Dean laughs. “He likes it as it is.”

John seems to relax now that he’s almost completely alone with Dean. He closes his eyes for a second and clears his throat. “Look, Dean...I love you, okay? But I’m worried about you. You’ve changed so much since last we met, and it’s been a long time.”

Dean swallows before turning, sweeping his arms wide. “Yeah, well, this is just who I am now.”

John moves forward from the edge of the room up to Dean. “I’m proud of you. You’ve faced things _I_ can only imagine, like Lucifer.”

Dean grins and wraps his arms around John. John wraps his arms around him in return, patting his back.

Mary pulls me into a hug, surprising me. I wrap my arms gently around her uncertainly.

She leans up, whispering in my ear, “I’ve never seen Dean so happy with anyone, even up watching from Heaven. You did something I never got the chance to: _you taught him love_.”

“Me?” I laugh softly. “He taught me what emotion was, what doubt was. I was just a foot-soldier.”

Mary tightens her grip. “You also taught him to be _humble_. To have _faith_. I can’t thank you enough for that. For _any_ of the things you’ve done for him.”

I frown. “He did much more for me than I did for him.”

“And there it is again. That’s called being _humble_ , Cas, and that is something my son needed to learn.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what that is.”

She tightens her embrace, fingers digging into my back similarly to how Dean hugs. “You’re the most humble angel. Especially compared to your brothers Gabriel and Lucifer.”

I feel my eyes drift closed. She radiates love and warmth like Dean does, whereas John currently is still extremely tense...even while hugging his son.

She releases me and smiles. “I have a feeling I’ll like you a lot more as time goes on, and same with John. You do make quite a first impression.”

I study her curiously. “You make a interesting first impression, with your automatic trust.”

She smiles brightly. “Why, thank you.”

Dean pats John roughly on the back and releases him. “You missed so much. We’ll have to catch you up to speed, both of you.”

Dean glances at me, his grin faltering ever so slightly. “Can you get Gabriel to come back?”

I shrug. “Gabriel does what he does. Only Sam can get him to cooperate.”

Mary blinks, frowning. “Same with you and Dean.”

Dean grins and I smile nervously. “I know. If you call Sam, he might respond.”

Dean pulls out his phone and dials Sam. He picks up quickly. “Hey, get your butt back here. Time to catch Mom and Dad up to speed. Yeah.”

Dean hangs up and Sam and Gabriel reappear in seconds. Gabriel drops Sam’s hand and raises an eyebrow. “This is so boring. The house is dull and empty.”

Sam grins at Dean. “Ever stolen a Mustang? So fun. I set a brick on the gas and we left—it’ll crash eventually. That was a great break from the mundane of our lives right now.”

Gabriel blushes faintly, crossing his arms.

John sighs, glancing around. “Where do we even start?”

Gabriel disappears and reappears with a couch under his hand. “We sit down.”

I roll my eyes. “You payed for that, right?”

“Oh, yes. I left a couple hundred-dollar-bills where it used to be. That’s how much it would’ve cost, anyway. Come on.” He reappears in the living room, lifting his hand off the couch and flopping down.

I reappear in the store, picking up the dropped money and handing it to the confused clerk. “Sorry, angels and archangels aren’t supposed to do that. My brother is a bit overexcited. Do you have any living room chairs?”

“This way, sir.”

She leads me to the part of the store with chairs and I spot the perfect two that match John and Mary’s style. I smile weakly at her before touching the two chairs, transporting them away, and reappearing with the money in hand. “Here.”

“Did you just...you just.... _teleported_!” The clerk takes the money with shaking hands.

I shrug. “I forgot humans aren’t used to that. Castiel, Angel of the Lord. My brother, that was Gabriel— _Arch_ angel of the Lord. We have human companions, but it would be difficult to move both them and the furniture all at once. I apologize for my brother’s antics, he is The Trickster, _Loki_ , for a reason. You don’t want to see him bored, he does far worse than steal human things. He stole a car, as well, earlier today. He’s barely beginning to understand manners.”

I reappear in the living room, shaking off. “Gabriel, that was _rude_. You scared the poor clerk lady. You need to learn some manners. Just because you _can_ do that doesn’t mean it’s _nice_.”

Dean smiles at me, flopping onto the couch. Gabriel looks up as Sam sits next to him, smiling.

I fall next to Dean. Mary and John drop into the chairs warily.

John shoots a glance at Dean. “Did you pay for these?”

I nod curtly. “I did, and I apologized to the clerk for Gabriel’s behavior. She was a bit shaken.”

Dean laces our fingers together, squeezing my hand. “I told you he knows manners, Dad.”

John crosses his arms, averting his eyes. “So, what’s been happening?”

Dean and Sam in turns launch into explanations of everything that’s happened.

With many stalls, Dean tries to describe Hell to his mother. “It was...terrible. More than terrible. For thirty years—in Hell’s time, only three months here—he...he cut and stabbed and flayed. And at the end of each day, he asked if I wanted to get off that rack and put people on. I told him to stick it where the sun shines.”

Dean takes a shaky breath. “And then...forty years, I was down there. After thirty years, something snapped in me. I got off that rack. The things I did to those people...”

Dean shudders and slides closer, leaning against me. “If Cas hadn’t’ve shown up, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

I close my eyes, pushing away the image and taking a deep breath. “My father, through Naomi, gave me an order to pull him out of Hell. She had work for him, or so she said. So I pulled him back into his body. Some woman tried to spy on my true form—I warned her against it, but...well, my true form can be overwhelming to most humans. Her eyes burnt out of her skull. Dean and Bobby went off and summoned me directly to them.”

Dean smiles at me, picking up where I left off. “Bobby...well, Cas just knocked him out somehow.”

“Angel trick. Enochian lullabies, sang the right way, have that effect.”

Dean smiles at me, continuing, “Bobby and I shot at him, we had demon traps everywhere from every religion, we even used Ruby’s knife. Oh, yeah, the demon bitch gave us this.”

He tosses the knife to his father. “Kills every demon. I stabbed him with it, he just yanked it out and dropped it. I asked who he was, he said Castiel. So I asked _what_ , and he said...”

He glances at me. I smile at him. “My name is Castiel, I’m an Angel of the Lord.”

“He showed me his wings and everything. Told me God commanded him to raise me. Pretty big deal.”

Sam picks up, continuing the story from there. I blank out and rest my head on Dean’s shoulder, studying Mary and John’s varying levels of interest. John tosses the knife back, half-interested. Mary looks riveted to her seat by the story.

Other than occasional contributions by Dean, Sam explains the demon blood and Lucifer and the cage.

I shut my eyes, pushing back the images of Hell when I first saw Dean. _Calm down. Breathe. It’s just a memory, breathe. Come on. You’ve got this, you’ve done it before._

Dean’s head snaps up and he glances towards me. _Cas?_

I crack an eye open, glancing at him. Lines of concern wrinkle his face. His green eyes are full of worry.

Silence fills the room temporarily as Sam finishes off with, “And now here we are. You’re alive and so are we. Pretty weird.”

Dean frowns at me, standing. “I’m gonna go stretch my legs. Coming, Cas?”

I let him pull me to my feet, nodding. He leads the way out, waiting until we’re out of earshot to stop.

I slow to a stop behind him, relaxing slightly. “What?”

Dean turns. “I _heard_ you. Like, what you were thinking. Just a memory and all that. You okay?”

I blink, startled. “Yeah.”

Dean moves closer. “Really?”

I take a deep breath. “Hell, the first time. When I first met you.”

Dean takes my hand, squeezing it. “You also looked really nervous when Mom was talking to you.”

“It’s not that.” I pause, thinking about how to word it. “She _hugged_ me. I don’t know, it was...different. Similar to you, but different.”

“Motherly, I think.” Dean studies my expression, chewing on his lip. “Haven’t you ever had a motherly figure in your life?”

I shake my head. “No. Not really. Naomi was the closest I came, and she was unhealthy in her methods. I’ve never been...hugged like that, treated like that. She was much kinder than any angel, and more trusting than most humans.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Didn’t you have a mother?”

“No. I don’t know.” I shrug. “We were raised soldiers. What you would consider a mother was not present. We had a drill sergeant since we were three years old all the way up to the day we die. There’s no... _affection_.”

Dean shivers. “That's just...sad.”

I shrug. “For an angel, like Gabriel and I, _having_ a mother is strange. There’s no _mother_ , no _mother-in-law_. Just... _war_. We never questioned it. Why do you think I was startled when you hugged me? That's not something most angels will ever know in their lifetime.”

“That’s really sad.” Dean frowns. “Don’t they teach you how to react if a human displays affection?”

I shake my head. “No. Any form of affection is considered _wrong_.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “That’s...I don’t have the words. _Damn._ Well, we’re gonna change that.”

I blink, my mouth opening in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Dean moves closer, lowering his voice. “Have you ever been hugged and kissed goodnight? Have you ever kissed anyone? Have you ever hugged anyone? Held hands with anyone? _Anything_ to do with affection?’

I frown, racking my memory. “The closest I’ve come to _affection_ is with you—and no. Angels don’t sleep, and affection was... _severely_ punished, to say the least. You’ve seen what they did to Lucifer.”

Dean sighs. “Well, they’re wrong. Affection’s the best thing in the world.”

“It sticks in your memory like nothing else, I know.” I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. “Especially when they hug you like you’re the last lifeline in a sea of nothingness.”

Dean grins. "Yeah.”

I open my eyes, shrugging helplessly. “I can’t change the entire system alone. I’d need Gabriel, but he always feels _unappreciated_ , _neglected_ , and _alone_. We’d have to change that.”

Dean shrugs. “We can do that. Come on.”

Dean leads the way back inside. Mary looks worried and even John looks slightly uneasy.

Sam grabs Gabriel’s hand, dragging him up the stairs. “Come on. _We_ need to _talk_.”

Gabriel barely resists, letting Sam pull him away.

Dean grins uneasily at John, moving slightly closer to me. John’s tension eases somewhat.

Mary frowns at me. “Are you alright? You look...out of it.”

I glance at Dean. _She cares...enough to notice and ask? No angel ever has._

Dean blinks. _That's sad, and yeah. She's a mother, that’s how they are. How they’re supposed to be._

I shrug. _Okay._

Mary reaches out, gently laying a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay, Cas?”

I flinch, shooting Dean a glance. “I don’t know.”

Mary steps closer. “What do you mean?”

Dean clears his throat. “He, um...he just said there’s not really affection among angels. Hugging, holding hands, asking if someone’s okay, any of it. He’s still not _used_ to it. There’s no...no motherly or fatherly figure, just their drill sergeant. Affection is severely punished, and...and, um, the closest to a mother is the...the bitch who mind-controlled him and tried to kill me.”

Mary’s mouth opens. “ _Any_ affection? For _all_ the angels?’

I shrug. “Rebels are _rare_ , but there are some. Not...many. Lucifer was one of them. Yes, _all_ displays of affection. When I first got close to Dean...”

I shudder, pushing the images away. “They don’t forgive and forget easily. They were furious, _more than_ furious.’

Dean winces. Mary squeezes my shoulder, eyes wide. “That’s...terrible.”

I raise an eyebrow. “ _Normal_ for an angel. ...Dean said much the same.”

“Well, he’s right. No parents?”

I shrug tensely. “Not really. Three years old and up, we’re constantly training to fight and to die. _Under_ three, you watch the others training until you’re old enough.”

Mary makes a squeaking sound similar to a small mouse being trodden on. “ _Three years old?_ That’s just...that’s _torture_!”

I fidget, eyes downcast. “We never really questioned it. Me, Gabriel, Michael....Lucifer did question it, look where it got him. Ruler of Hell, dealing with the dead. _Last_ place he wanted to be. It’s no wonder he's bitter.”

Mary throws her arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I glance at Dean, surprised, before slowly wrapping my arms around her.

John fidgets, glancing at Dean. “ _Damn it all._ Gabriel, too? No wonder he doesn’t know right from wrong.’

Mary tightens her grip. “I wish you could've been my son. I’d’ve raised you right.”

I relax slowly, my eyes drifting shut. “Then I wouldn’t be who I am, or so I hear.”

Mary laughs, massaging small circles on my back like she used to for a younger Dean. “True.”

Dean shuts his eyes for a second. “Dad?”

John moves closer, his voice softened noticeably. “Yeah?”

Dean steps forward and throws his arms around John. “Thank you. For everything.”

John hugs him back, caught off guard. “Um, okay...?”

“You don’t...you don’t really think about it until you hear about someone who doesn’t have what you had. I _had_ a dad, I _had_ a mom.” Dean shrugs. “You raised me as best as you could.”

John smiles weakly. “Thanks, son.”


	3. A Family Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family dinner. Gabriel spills spaghetti. Fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set from John Winchester's POV. I took some liberties here.

Sammy howls with laughter, elbowing Gabriel playfully. “I’d like to see you try.”

Dean grins at Castiel— _Cas_ , I remind myself again—and nudges him. “So?”

Castiel shrugs and Dean chuckles. Gabriel sticks his tongue out. _That Gabriel one fits right in with the boys. The Castiel—Cas—one....I’m not sure. He gets along fine with Dean, but he’s so inexperienced with everything and shy about trying new things around us, it’s like a new boyfriend who’s just met his girlfriend’s parents. It’s disconcerting._

Sam grins, slopping a little beer on himself. “Know what? You’re boring.”

Gabriel grins. “Ha, ha. You’re just saying that.”

“No,” Sam insists sarcastically. “Super boring.”

Gabriel laughs, and his confidence despite my critical gaze impresses me. “Right.”

“Never met a more boring person in my life.” I incline my head at Gabriel. “No idea _at all_ why you fit in so well with my boys.”

Gabriel grins shyly, ruffling Sam’s hair. “Why, thank you.”

Sam flattens his hair, smiling appreciatively at me. “Thanks for the support, Dad.”

Gabriel and Sam bicker playfully about who’s more boring while Mary slides the mozzarella sticks in the oven with an energy I haven’t seen in far too long.

Cas shoves Dean playfully and Dean shoves him back, laughing. “You’re such a jerk.”

“You more than me.”

Cas seems to slowly be catching on to Dean’s play, laughing along and smacking him gently. _Always gentle. He never hurts Dean. I like that._

Mary sets the spaghetti down on a towel on the table, pulling the mozzarella sticks out and dishing them out two to a plate before sitting down next to me in the empty seat.

Mary clears her throat. “Boys.”

Everyone falls silent under her quelling gaze, breathless.

Mary smiles, lifting her glass. “I propose a toast. To a family reunited, albeit bigger. To friends and family alike who stick together through thick and thin. To the love and kinship that draws us close and holds us together. To family!”

Everyone raises their glasses, murmuring, “To family!” and drinking their beers. Cas and Gabriel don’t even seem buzzed, though Sam and Dean clearly are.

Everyone digs in eagerly, even the angel boys.

Gabriel carefully spoons some onto his plate, studying it curiously. “The things humans come up with. Hm. Interesting, to say the least, if not strange.”

Cas glances at Dean, almost as if looking for direction. After watching him for a second twirling the spaghetti around his fork, Cas imitates the gesture. Cas catches on easily and beginning to eat carefully so as not to spill on himself.

Sam can barely keep his laughter in when Gabriel accidentally spills some on his lap. “Whoops.”

Sam giggles, handing him a napkin. “Here.”

Cas coughs, grinning. “Gabriel, slow down.”

“ _Castiel_ , shut up.”

Gabriel smiles warmly at his brother. Cas smiles back, sipping his beer. “At least _attempt_ not to spill everywhere, would you?”

“Alright, alright. You take the fun outta everything.”

Gabriel winks and Cas smirks. “That’s my job, little brother.”

Gabriel swallows a forkful of food. “Don’t remind me.”

Mary smiles at him. “You’re just like Dean when he first had spaghetti. Spilled it everywhere. Had to get him to bathe to get it all off, and wash his clothes.”

I smile softly. “Simpler times.”

“Much so.” Mary shoots me a grin. “Before we died.”

Dean chuckles. “Simpler for everyone. No such thing as monsters, there’s no monster in your closet, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

Cas blinks in surprise, another sign of his lack of a childhood. I feel a slight pang of sympathy for him.

Gabriel frowns. “Bed bugs?”

Mary laughs brightly. “Some rhyme we’re all told as children. _Good night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite._ It seems silly now, but as little kids it was a big part of all our childhoods.”

Cas winces subtly and I barely catch a look he shoots Dean, frowning and mouthing something faintly.

Dean grimaces, his smile fading slightly as he seems to respond. Cas shrugs, shaking his head.

Gabriel gags. “Terrible mental image. Yuck. Weird tradition, then, I suppose.”

I shake my head. “Some of the things that are just normal to us...you guys seem to find strange or disconcerting. It’s... _odd_ that things that are such a huge part of our lives are foreign to you.”

Gabriel frowns. “You had much _softer_ lives than we did. Ours were all war and work, no time for play or for affection. If we happened to make time for that...” He shudders. “Well, you know what they did to Lucifer. Turned his love, Lilith, into a demon and made him ruler of the condemned dead—last place he wanted to be, last thing he wanted in life. I’m not surprised no one risks it nowadays—that is, besides Cas and I.”

Cas grins nervously at Gabriel. “I hadn’t heard his story. I just...fell. I don’t know. It’s impossible _not_ to like them, even with what happened to Lucifer. They haven’t done the same to me.”

Gabriel shrugs. “You’re lucky. They were threatening to do the same with me, and Sam. I just told them if they tried, they’d have Hell to pay for it and that I wasn’t afraid. I’m surprised they believed me—I was terrified—but...they left me alone, for now.”

Sam winces. “I’d rather not be a demon, not that Dean or Bobby or Cas or you would’ve let them. I’m already demonic enough without _being_ one.”

Gabriel freezes, glancing at Sam. Softly, he insists, “ _You’re not._ ”

Sam smiles gratefully at him. “Not what?”

“Demonic.” Gabriel frowns. “You know what I mean. You’re _not_ , I’ve met demons before. You’re nothing like them. Besides, I would _never_ let them do that to you.”

Sam smirks. “Promise?”

Gabriel wilts slightly under Sam’s pleading gaze, sighing, “Promise.”

Sam’s eyes light up like they used to when he saw his girlfriend Jessica.

It hits me like a sudden clap of thunder: he didn’t mention Jessica, nor did Dean. _That’s odd._

 

I wait for Sam and Gabriel to head up to bed before turning to Dean. “Dean, son?”

Dean looks up curiously, glancing after Sam. “Yeah?”

I glance at Cas, studying Dean’s expression thoroughly. _I can’t read him anymore. They’ve changed so much._ “Jessica, Sam’s girlfriend. Where is she?”

Dean gets really quiet and stiff and Cas’ gaze falls.

It’s Cas who answers quietly, “Dead.”

Dean shoots Cas a glance, frowning. “Azazel, that demon who killed Mom? He got to her before we did. Sammy...I had to yank him out of that room myself, he was too horrified. He never told her we were hunters and he blames himself. Those dreams we mentioned to you? Three days before, he dreamed her death. He’s been kicking himself over it, saying he should’ve known. I don’t blame him and I doubt she does. I didn’t want to kick a soft spot by bringing it up in front of him.”

I wince. “I can understand that.”

Mary smiles softly at me. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetie.”

Dean stands, pulling Cas with him. He hesitates before offering a hug. “Goodnight hug, like we used to?”

I smile thankfully, wrapping my arms around my son. _They’ve grown so much. Been through far too much._

Dean pats my back before moving to Mary.

I turn to Cas, taking a small step forward and asking softly, “Cas, you alright?”

Cas looks up, blinking away a glaze off his eyes—I can only guess it’s tears. “I’m fine.”

I give him the same look I give Dean when I know he’s lying. “Sure?”

Cas almost breaks down, choking and blinking rapidly. “No.”

I move forward, shyly pressing my arms around him like I would’ve to comfort Dean when he was little—well, littl _er_. Awkwardly, I hush him, “Hey, it’s okay.”

Cas seems to recognize the gesture, wrapping his arms around me softly and lowering his head to my shoulder. My jacket gets soaked with tears, but I’m more focused on comforting him than the saltiness of my clothes. “Hey, shhh, it’s okay.”

Cas quivers, squeezing his eyes shut. I pat him gently on the back, unsure of what else to do.

Dean seems to realize the moment is important, not disturbing us but instead murmuring in low voices with Mary—over trivial things, I assume, but I don’t pay attention to their conversation.

Slowly, painfully slow, Cas relaxes and his shudders slow and ease away. Almost as if he really is my son, I can almost sense the relief radiating off of him as he whispers hoarsely, “ _Thank you._ So much.”

I press him closer to me, murmuring back, “Even now, not really _knowing_ him as well as I did, I can tell: you mean _a lot_ to Dean. And if you mean so much to him, you deserve more than _my_ disbelief.”

Cas presses into my shoulder like a child, laughing weakly. “You really think so?”

I ruffle his hair, smiling. “I’ve never been more sure of anything about that boy in my lifetime or his.”

Cas lifts his head, smiling shakily and uncertainly. I smile back, drying his tears on my sleeve. “You sure?”

I nod slowly, shooting Dean a glance. “Yeah, I am.”

Cas deflates slightly, releasing me just as I drop my arms off him.

Dean shoots a glance our way, seeming to know something’s off. “Hey, you okay, Cas?”

I lower my voice. “Besides, there’s no one else he asks that of so much as you. Not me, not Sammy, not Gabriel, not Mary. _You._ ”

Cas shoots a strained smile at Dean. “I’m okay.”

Dean comes back over as Mary pulls Cas tightly into her embrace. “What did he say?”

I shrug. “Not much. I don’t really know. He just needed time to calm down, I guess. I don’t know, he was really tense and shaky—and I _think_ he may have been crying.”

Dean casts a quick glance Cas’ way, eyes wide. “ _Is he okay?_ ”

I shrug helplessly. “For now, I think he is. I can’t tell with him. I can’t even tell with you anymore—used to be able to tell if you were okay, now...you’ve changed so much, I can’t.”

Dean smiles gratefully. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to him, and to me.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “What else am I here for but to be your dad again, Dean? What d’you expect me to do, laugh at him?”

Dean grins, hugging me tightly and quickly. “Thanks. Welcome back, Dad.”

I grin at him and he takes Cas’ hand, pulling him up the stairs with him.

I turn to Mary, smiling. “A family, together again.”

“Very much so. Come here, you.”

I step closer and she wraps her arms around me. “Home sweet home.”

“Definitely.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas breaks down, John comforts him. Cas' POV. Fluff! (Dean comforts him as well, of course.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' POV. Takes some liberties.

John clears his throat. “Dean, son?”

Dean looks up, glancing towards the stairs. “Yeah?”

John glances at me, studying Dean’s expression. “Jessica, Sam’s girlfriend. Where is she?”

Dean gets really quiet and stiff as my gaze falls. “Dead.”

Dean shoots me a quick glance, frowning. “Azazel, that demon who killed Mom? He got to her before we did. Sammy...I had to yank him out of that room myself, he was too horrified. He never told her we were hunters and he blames himself. Those dreams we mentioned to you? Three days before, he dreamed her death. He’s been kicking himself over it, saying he should’ve known. I don’t blame him and I doubt she does. I didn’t want to kick a soft spot by bringing it up in front of him.”

John winces, glancing at Mary. “I can understand that.”

Mary smiles kindly at John. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetie.”

Dean stands, pulling me up with him. He hesitates before offering his father a hug. “Goodnight hug, like we used to?”

John smiles gratefully, wrapping his arms around Dean and subconsciously praying, _They’ve grown so much. Been through far too much._

Dean pats John’s back stiffly before moving to his mother, Mary.

_I wish I had this kind of life. A mother, a father, a loving family. I wish I was never an angel. Ugh. This is so difficult. I wish things were...different._

John shifts his gaze to me, taking a small step forward and asking gently, “Cas, you alright?”

I looks up, blinking back tears. “I’m fine.”

John gives me a quelling look that tells me he knows I’m lying. “ _Sure?_ ”

I choke, blinking quickly to hold back tears. “No.”

He moves shyly forward, pressing his arms around me similarly to how he comforted Dean when he was younger, in his memory. Awkwardly, John murmurs, “Hey, it’s okay.”

I wrap my arms around John carefully, lowering my head to his shoulder. He seems not to care as my tears soak through his jacket. “Hey, shhh, it’s okay.”

I tremble, squeezing my eyes shut. John pats me gently on the back uncertainly.

Dean seems to realize the moment is important, not disturbing us but instead murmuring in low voices with Mary—mainly about how worried John looks.

Slowly, my body relaxes and my shudders slow and ease away. I whisper hoarsely, “ _Thank you._ So much.”

John presses me closer to him, murmuring back, “Even now, not really _knowing_ him as well as I did, I can tell you mean _a lot_ to Dean. And if you mean so much to him, you deserve more than _my_ disbelief.”

I laugh uneasily. “You really think so?”

He ruffles my hair, smiling faintly. “I’ve _never_ been more sure of anything about that boy in my lifetime—or his.”

I lift my head to smile shyly at him. “You sure?”

John smiles back, drying my tears on his jacket sleeve. He nods slowly, shooting Dean a nervous glance. “Yeah, I am.”

I release him just as he releases me, leaving my hair ruffled.

Dean shoots a glance our way as if he knows something’s off. “Hey, you okay, Cas?”

John lowers his voice to say, “ _Besides_ , there’s no one else he asks _that_ of so much as you. Not me, not Sammy, not Gabriel, not Mary. _You._ ”

I smile at Dean, watching some of his worry ease away. “I’m okay.”

Mary pulls me to her in a tight hug. “You may not have an angel mother, but you’ve got a mother-in-law right here if you need me.”

I smile at her thankfully, wrapping my arms around her. “Thank you. For everything.”

She laughs. “Thank you for taking such good care of my sons. A mother’s bond is like nothing else for her children, it lasts even through death.”

I feels a wash of relief. “I was merely keeping Dean safe and part of that job was making sure Sam stayed safe and Dean alerted to his whereabouts.”

“There it is again. So humble. You’ll learn eventually.” Mary kisses my cheek and I feel a lingering outline of her lips on my skin. “I’ll teach you.”

I grin at her,

Dean grins, hugging John tightly and quickly and saying clearly, “Welcome back, Dad.”

John grins at Dean warmly. Dean takes my hand, pulling me up the stairs with him.

Dean dives onto the bed in the empty bedroom—his old room, as I can tell from his memories—and rolls over, grinning up at me. “I hear Dad is worried about you. He can’t tell if you’re okay or not.”

I sink down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not surprised he’s worried.”

“Why not?” Dean’s smile falters for half a second.

I shrug. “I don’t really break down often.”

Dean’s voice softens. “Hey, are you okay?”

I blink, shifting my gaze down to meet his. “I don’t know.”

Dean reaches over, pulling me down next to him on the bed. Luckily, the door is shut.

I shut my eyes as Dean wraps his arms around me, warmth filling the space between us. “Why not?”

I frown. “I don’t really know what _okay_ is right now. Some say it’s happiness, some say it’s when they’re not about to break down just yet.”

Dean tightens his embrace, snuggling closer. “What does it mean to _you_? That’s what matters.”

I consider his question. _Okay is...okay. Alright, but not good. Alive, and not breaking down, but...not really doing well just yet. Probably will be better later. Been better._

Dean studies my expression, his eyes bright and looking like he actually cares to listen.

I nod slowly. “I’m okay.”

Dean grins. “That’s good.”

I wrap my arms around Dean, closing my eyes. “Your father said you care a lot about me, and he’s never been more sure of anything in his life or yours—which, as he said, since he doesn’t know you as well as he used to...that’s saying something.”

Dean chuckles. “I didn’t realize he noticed that. He’s right.”

I smile sleepily. “Good.”

I slowly drift to sleep, curled in Dean’s embrace.


	5. Alone With Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets hurt while protecting Sam and John. John breaks his leg, Sam tries to get him to heal when he's healing super slow. Mary Winchester's POV. Cas explains everything that's happened. Dean gets into a huge fight with John and Mary and Cas get dragged into it. Dean stumbles adorably when he realizes he just could've insulted Cas, knowing how well Cas can hear. Fluff and John and Mary argue a bit. In this, Cas explains (just before Dean yells at John over it) that John beat up Dean (I'm saying physically abusive when he's drunk and mentally abusive when he's not) and Dean had to protect Sam from the same. Mary is rightfully furious over this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set from Mary's view, some fluff between her and Cas and she says "...you're already my son-in-law without the ring. He just needs to pluck up the courage, I know he’s got it in him." Lots of fluff on Cas' part, he's clearly in love with Dean and Dean stops yelling at John when he realizes he probably just hurt Cas' feelings even though he's pissed at John--that pause is noticeably adorable because John is yelling back and arguing and Dean STOPS just because of Cas. He keeps Cas' feelings in mind even though he's hurting and John is hurting and he's arguing...but Cas is more important than that. :) There's some fighting between John and Dean, both physical and verbal. Dean does yell about being abused and Cas mentions it to Mary.

I sigh, pacing the length of the living room uneasily. Dean and Sam may insist they know what they’re doing, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying tirelessly about them—and _John_ is out of practice. Even Gabriel has me worried, as if he’s a part of the family, too.

Cas has me worried the most. He acted all tough and insisted he was fine, but John mentioned he’d been crying the previous night and that made me wonder.

Just as I make another turn to walk back across the room, Cas appears, stumbling slightly.

Cas shakes off, healing quickly, but the damage makes me wonder how everyone else is. “Cas?”

Cas looks up, straightening. “I’m fine. But...John’s broken his leg, there’s no way he can drive. He’s insisting he can. It’s not too bad, for what it’s worth, but... _I_ can’t drive. I don’t know _how_ , I might crash.”

I nod slowly. “Dean?”

“Like I’d _let him_ get hurt. And Gabriel protected Sam.”

I frown. “Is Gabriel okay?”

“Depends on how you’d describe _okay_. He’s healing, just painfully, _worryingly_ slowly. Just some stray Hellhounds. Nothing too big. But they charged down John and he tripped. Gabriel kept them off of him, but they’re both injured.”

I bounce on the balls of my feet. “Are they dead?”

Cas nods, offering his hand. “They’re back in Hell, but not for long. Coming?”

I accept his hand gently. “Yes.”

We reappear in front of the slightly battered Impala and Dean sighs in relief, passing John to Cas.

Cas sets John in the back of the Impala. “You okay, Dean?”

Dean nods, shooting me a quick glance. “Think so. We all here?”

Bobby clambers into his truck. “Who's goin' with me?"

Sam glances at Gabriel warily. “We’re not bloodying your seats.”

I roll my eyes, gently hugging Dean. “You boys need to be more careful. _Know what we’re doing, we’ll be fine_. Ha! Fine, my ass.”

Gabriel laughs weakly, dripping blood from a thousand bites. “Right.”

Bobby scowls. “There’s only five seats in the Impala. Dean and Cas _or_ Sam and Gabriel can fit, but not both. Mary’s driving, I assume.”

Dean hands me the keys to the Impala. “She’s my baby, drive carefully.”

“Whatever.” I slide in the driver seat, keeping a forced calm despite my worry for Gabriel. “Make up your minds quickly, we’re losing daylight fast.”

Dean glances at Cas. "You okay?"

“I can heal, I’m fine.”

Sam stumbles under Gabriel’s weight as he sags. “Come on, Gabe, _come on_. Just a little longer.”

I grit my teeth. “Can Gabriel go to a hospital?”

“I think so?”

Gabriel groans. “Angel grace is in our blood, they’d notice it.”

Cas shakes his head. “Brother, the time for hiding is over. People _know_ we exist. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Gabriel groans, sagging further. “Damn it.”

Sam lifts Gabriel into the backseat, carefully setting him down. John slides across the seat— _away_ from Gabriel—to make room.

Sam drops in the passenger seat. Dean grabs Cas by the hand and they jump into Bobby’s truck. “Meet at the hospital, then?”

Bobby gives me a thumbs-up. I slam the gas, peeling out of there.

Gabriel barely complains the whole way, just asking if Sam's fine repeatedly. John finds his voice and complains loudly that he’s fine.

I slide into the parking lot, burning rubber, half an hour later. Bobby, in his truck, skids in after me.

I climb out of the Impala, helping Sam lift Gabriel and leaving John to Dean and Bobby.

Dean and Bobby lift John and follow, Cas drifting with.

We rush Gabriel into the ER and John into the ER next door. Cas peeks in on Gabriel shyly, staying back.

We sit in the waiting room for hours before John swings out on crutches to join us.

After almost a full day’s waiting, a solemn doctor comes out, gesturing us to follow.

We enter a room with the doctor and he sighs. “He’s in critical condition, I don’t know if he’ll last. And he has some mysterious blue substance—that could be drugs slowing down the healing process. I don’t know.”

“That’s angel grace, actually,” Cas explains softly. “I have it, too. It speeds up the healing process, _usually_ , because it’s literally pure creation...but it’s not doing its job or he wouldn’t be here at all."

The doctor laughs. “Nice one.”

Dean crosses his arms. “Castiel, would you?”

The door slams shut and Cas causes the lighting to flicker to show off his wings. His voice grows deeper, more confident and mature. “We walk among you in vessels for the first time in two thousand years. I was _not_ told humans would be so... _disbelieving_. I am Castiel, an Angel of the Lord.”

The doctor steps back. “What the Hell?”

Cas lets the lights return to normal. “My brother, Gabriel, is an _arch_ angel. He _should_ be healing but clearly, he’s not. Not properly.”

Dean and Sam move together. Sam takes a deep breath. “He’s my best friend, I’m not losing him to some stupid Hellhound pack that tried to kill my dad and I.”

John closes his eyes. “My son is right, they’re honest-to-God angels. Gabriel saved my life, in fact, and if it weren’t for him I’d be a be a Hellhounds’ chew toy right now.”

Sam steps forward. “Let me see him. I’ll get him to heal himself best as I can.”

John frowns at Sam. I trust he means he’ll encourage him to heal. “My son Sam has a most special bond with Gabriel, and he’s...Gabriel’s like a son to me. _Let Sammy talk to him._ ”

The doctor insists, “He’s out cold.”

“He’s faking.” Sam grins. “Knowing him.”

“He can’t be, the heart monitor—”

“Doesn’t work for angels, no.” Sam rolls his eyes. “I don’t care if you think he’s out, let me see him. He’s my big brother, I’m not letting him just _die_.”

Something flashes in Dean’s eyes and he smiles warmly at Sam. “He’s right. He’s our brother, you can’t just keep refusing. Let Sammy go see him.”

The doctor reluctantly agrees and they leave together. Dean beams at John. “I _did_ raise him right. He doesn’t just give up like _you_ did.”

John huffs. “Don’t turn this on me.”

I meet Cas’ eye, jerking my head towards the door.

He nods, glancing uneasily at Dean and following me out.

“He normally like that?”

I shrug. “I wouldn’t know. Seems like he’s not, judging by John’s reaction. He tends to keep his feelings to himself, afraid he’ll lose those he cares about most if he lets on how much he cares.”

Cas laughs, a bright sound that fills me with a thrill of joy. “Dean, always the shy one. He acts like he’s all tough and manly, but he’s not. He’s the heart of the bunch. Sam’s sensitive and reserved, but Dean’s shy and _extremely_ sensitive.”

I grin at him. “You know him better than I do. You spend more time around him than me, more time getting to know him. I was too busy worrying over my little kid and loving him to death that I didn’t have time yet to get to know him before Azazel took that from me.”

“You’re in good spirits for a recently dead person.” Cas nudges me gently, smiling. “John’s not.”

“He _was_ kind and sensitive and loving and a brilliant, loving person when I met him. Something snapped in him when I died, I guess. Dean seems to hate him.” My smile fades. “I don’t like that. I like that he’s trying to make up with him.”

Cas nods towards the door pointedly.

“We can talk,” he suggests shyly. “I do happen to know much more about them both than you do. And more about John. I know some things about you, but only what the angels would let on—like your deal with Azazel that caused Sam to have demon blood in him.”

“Sammy has _what_ in him?” I stare at him, bewildered.

“I can explain that, too.” Cas shrugs. “I know more about them than they do about me.”

I nod, walking towards the door. “Tell me.”

 

Cas goes on to explain everything that had gone down since I had—well, left. The tales of John both enrage and startle me—from him _beating_ on our son, Dean, in drunken rages and Dean having to protect Sam from the same...to John making a deal with Azazel to sell his _soul_ and the only weapon that could kill him to save Dean’s life. My head whirls with the onslaught of information.

“Come again?”

Cas sighs. “Which part?”

“You pulled Dean out of Hell and lost your _grace_?”

Cas fidgets, his gaze dropping from mine shyly. “Yes. He was stuck down there and I knew how much he hated it. I wasn’t just going to _leave_ him there like Naomi said to.”

I shake my head slowly. “I hate Naomi. Continue?”

Cas goes further, explaining how he pulled Dean out of Hell, loves burgers and pie, and then died _three times_ all to save Dean and lost his grace all over again _to save Dean again._

_He saved Dean so often. He’s so in love. He did everything for him. I don’t doubt that Dean loves him, or why. This is...astounding, the lengths he went to for my boy._

I shake my head, rubbing my eyes. “Damn. No wonder Dean loves you so much. The lengths you went to for him...that’s way more than anyone ever did. Just wish I’d been there to see it.”

Cas laughs softly, glancing towards an arguing Dean and John who had taken their argument outside. “Yeah. I suppose it is. That’s why I fell for him so many times. I didn’t just lose my grace, losing it gave me the full range of human emotions and _showed me_ that I loved him. I fell _in love_ when I lost my grace. I fell from Heaven and tumbled head-over-heels, so to speak.”

I laugh lovingly. “He doesn’t deserve any more that you. Like I said before, you’re already my son-in-law without the ring. He just needs to pluck up the courage, I know he’s got it in him.”

Cas blushes a delicate shade of pink, cringing and smiling in an adorably shy way. “Really?”

I lift my hand, placing it firmly on his shoulder and squeezing. “Really. You’re quite literally a match made in Heaven. You’re perfect for him, you show him he’s worth saving.”

“Yeah...I guess so.” Cas glances at Dean. “He’s never argued so long, so loud. It’s strange of him.”

I edge closer, straining my ears and listening in.

“ _I don’t care!_ ” Dean shouts. “ _You’re the one who hit me! You’re the one who beat on me and would’ve beat on Sam if I hadn’t kept him safe, kept him innocent! I raised him right, you just refuse to see it!_ ”

“Wow,” I whisper, edging closer. “I’ve never heard anyone shout so passionately, even in my short-lived life. That is...strange, coming from such a sensitive kid.”

Cas glances at me, his expression worried. “He might hit him. He’ll regret it.”

I sigh, studying Dean’s enraged look. “Yeah, he might.”

Cas frowns, shivering. “That’s not helping. I don’t know, he’s not normally so heated—oh, no.”

“— _Just because you don’t approve of Cas and I, and Sam and Gabriel, doesn’t give you the right to treat anyone like that! Just because you lost Mom doesn’t give you the right to hit me!_ ”

“I knew he’d drag us into it somehow,” Cas mutters, staring at his feet. “You...me and him.”

I frown, stepping slightly closer. “Maybe we should do something, before he says something he regrets or one of them swings at the other?”

“A bit too late for that.”

“ _Don’t you dare drag your angel boyfriend and mother into this, Dean!_ ”

I flinch. Cas shudders, stepping closer to me. “Did he seriously just call me...?”

“Yeah, he called you Dean’s ‘ _angel boyfriend_ ’. Like you’re just a puppet—and deaf.”

Cas protests, “I can hear through walls! I’m an extraterrestrial being with extremely good hearing.”

I shake my head. “He doesn’t realize that. He’s yelling and doesn’t think you’ll notice.”

“ _He’s not my...my boyfriend, he’s...he’s the guy who literally raised my dumb ass out of Hell!_ ” Dean stammers, stopping in his tracks and blinking. “Hang on. Son of a bitch, did I just—”

Cas flinches, turning away. “Oh, no. There he goes. He said something he’s going to regret already. Nothing stops him like guilt over me.”

I step forward, towards Dean. Dean almost turns but catches himself. “ _She’s my mother! She died because she made a deal with a demon who killed her family to save your life, you ignorant prat!_ ”

I smile, nodding. “ _That_ is true and I approve of that.”

John sputters. “ _She made the deal because she wanted to! I never asked her to!_ ”

“That is also true,” I murmur, glancing at Cas. “Cas, you alright?”

“Yeah.” Cas shuts his eyes and a tear slips free. “Just...Dean’s pleading with me and it hurts.”

“He’s...what?”

Cas flinches. “Oh, he can pray to me. Anyone can, I’m still an angel. Sam’s praying to Gabriel to heal his feathery ass right now. He’s trying to apologize, he knows I can hear.”

“ _You’re the reason she did!_ ” Dean shouts, his voice cracking. “ _I wasn’t even born yet!_ ”

John flinches, bringing his fist up. “ _You would never have been born if she had let me stay dead!_ ”

“ _I didn’t...I never asked to be born! I’m tired of this shit, tired of this job, tired of this life!_ ”

I blink, stepping forward. “He did it. Cas, I need you.”

Cas turns, offering his hand. “They’ve gotten to the subject of you and me. Of course John’s crossing lines that should never be crossed.”

I take his hand and we reappear next to them. I shove John back, getting in his face . “Don’t you _dare_ push that button, John. I saved you because I loved you, not so you could hurt our son and cross lines that should _never be crossed_ , like talking about Cas like that.”

Dean lets Cas pull him back, murmuring quietly to him.

I argue with John over who started it and his reaction before realizing Cas is gone, along with Dean.


	6. Angel Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV of argument with John. Touches on Dean's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does take some liberties with John & Dean's history. Dean & John argue, Cas & Mary interrupt. Sam is off with Gabriel, trying to get him to heal by praying to him, so neither are present here. Short but shows the entirety of their argument.

The doctor reluctantly agrees and Sammy and him leave together. I beam at John. “I _did_ raise him right. He doesn’t just give up like _you_ did.”

John huffs. “Don’t turn this on me.”

Mom catches Cas’ eye, jerking her head towards the door.

He nods, glancing uneasily at me and following her out of the room.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t turn this on you? _You’re_ the one who beat me and would’ve beat Sam if I didn’t get in your way!”

“I was drunk, Dean!”

“That’s no excuse to _hit_ people!” I cry, crossing my arms.

John raises his voice. “Who do you think you are, accusing me of—”

“Being abusive?” I interrupt angrily. “You are! You were mentally abusive when you weren’t drunk, blaming Sam’s _every_ flaw on me! It _wasn’t_ my fault, he’s his own person!”

John grabs my arm, shaking me. “You could’ve raised him better!”

I wince, returning, “No, I raised him _right_! I raised him how I should’ve been raised, _innocent_ and _sensitive_ and willing to _question_ a crap order!”

His grip on me tightens, cutting off blood flow to a numb arm. “You _should’ve_ taught him an order has a reason behind it, and to follow it!”

I shake my head. “I wasn’t gonna raise him like you did me, that was damn torture for a confused as Hell little kid!”

He throws me roughly into the wall like he used to when he was drunk. “I raised you right! I raised you to respect your elders!”

“You raised me to _fear_ you and others, not _respect_ them!”

He shakes me again, slamming me into the corner. My head makes a loud cracking sound on impact and my head spins. “Respect is respect, Dean!”

My eyes water and I feel like a little four year old again, being told off for disobeying an order. I counter angrily, “ _Fear is not respect!_ ”

My heart pounds in my ears as John slams his fist into my shoulder, jamming it out of place. “I taught respect, Dean!”

The doctor peeks in. “If you’re going to fight, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

John grabs me by my bad arm, dragging me out.

_Ow ow ow ow!_ I hiss to myself, crying out silently in pain.

Cas and Mom are outside. I know, somehow, that Cas is listening despite his stream of words to Mom.

I cry out as he throws me roughly to the ground, tumbling to my feet. “ _You shouldn’t talk to me like that, show some respect! Your mother and both your angel boyfriends—_ ”

“ _I don’t care!_ ” I shout back. “ _You’re the one who hit me! You’re the one who beat on me and would’ve beat on Sam if I hadn’t kept him safe, kept him innocent! I raised him right, you just refuse to see it! Just because you don’t approve of Cas and I, and Sam and Gabriel, doesn’t give you the right to treat anyone like that! Just because you lost Mom doesn’t give you the right to hit me!_ ”

“ _Don’t you dare drag your angel boyfriend and mother into this, Dean!_ ”

“ _He’s not my...my boyfriend, he’s...he’s the guy who literally raised my dumb ass out of Hell!_ ” I stammer, stopping in my tracks and blinking. “Hang on. Son of a bitch, did I just—”

_Cas, I am so sorry you got dragged into this! This has nothing to do with you, it’s between Dad and I._ , I pray quickly.

“ _You’re the reason she did!_ ” I shout, voice cracking. “ _I wasn’t even born yet!_ ”

John flinches, bringing his fist up again. “ _You would never have been born if she had let me stay dead!_ ”

“ _I didn’t...I never asked to be born! I’m tired of this shit, tired of this job, tired of this life!_ ”

Cas and Mary reappear next to us.

Mary shoves John back, yelling, “Don’t you _dare_ push that button, John. I saved you because I loved you, not so you could hurt our son and cross lines that should _never be crossed_ , like talking about Cas like that!”

Cas grabs my hand, pulling me out of Mom and John’s earshot.


	7. Memory Revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This shows from Cas' POV what went down in the argument with Dean and Dean's reaction to what Cas said about him. :) Also, Cas says he knew Dean hated Hell and that's why he dove back in to pull him out...Dean does ask about that and Cas is all shy over it. It's so adorable. Lots of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes some liberties, as most of this series does. Set from Cas' view, and there's lots of fluff. There's also a point where Cas cringes in the awkward way and blushes, like how someone would kind of curl in on themselves a little bit and raise their shoulders to their ears when they're really, really embarrassed and their whole face is red. Dean is also semi-worried over what Cas says and he thanks him for it. (Won't spoil it, but you'll know when you reach it.)
> 
> Starts directly after Dean's POV, where Cas pulled Dean away from John.

I frown, turning him to face me. “Are you okay?”

Dean shakes his head, answering honestly, “Can’t feel my arm, he cut the blood flow and jammed his fist into my shoulder.  And I think my head might’ve cracked my head on the wall when he threw me. And he insulted _both_ you and Mom.”

I shrug. “I’m fine. When they’re angry, people will say things they don’t mean. He called Gabriel his son when he was calm.”

Dean smiles nervously. “Sure you’re okay? I didn’t mean to drag you into it.”

I put my hand on his good shoulder. “Dean, it’s fine. I’m okay. _Really._ It’s not a big deal.”

Dean flinches. “You _sure_?”

I offer my hand shyly. “I’m sure, Dean, _I’m fine_.”

Dean accepts my hand, groaning as the damage heals—dislocated shoulder, bruised head and wrist—and feeling returns to his arm.

Mary continues to reprimand John, and Dean glances towards them. “Wanna get out of here?”

We reappear in the hallway near Gabriel’s room and I drop his hand.

Dean blinks. “Forgot you can do that. Okay.”

I smile crookedly. “How could you forget? I’m the one who raised you from Hell.”

“Yeah, I know. What were you talking to Mom so animatedly about?”

I shrug. “I explained everything that’s happened between Sam, you, and I since she died.”

Dean pauses. “What...what did she think?”

I laugh softly, smiling at him. “Well, the first thing out of her mouth was just ‘wow I missed a lot’.”

“She did,” Dean murmurs. He looks up. “ _First_ thing?”

“Yeah. She also went off about us.”

Dean flinches. “As in you and me, us?”

I shrug, her words ringing pleasantly in my head. “Yes.”

Dean almost chokes. “What’d she say?”

I raise an eyebrow. “It’s...easier to show than tell.”

Dean smiles, taking my hand back in his own. “Go ahead.”

I close my eyes, using the skin-on-skin contact to pull him back into my own memory.

_Mary blinks, mouth open. “Come again?”_

_I sigh. “Which part?”_

_“You pulled Dean out of Hell and lost your grace?”_

_I fidget, gaze falling from hers. “Yes. He was stuck down there and I knew how much he hated it. I wasn’t just going to leave him there like Naomi said to.”_

_Mary shakes her head slowly, fire in her eyes. “I hate Naomi. Continue?”_

_I explain pulling Dean out of Hell, my love for burgers and pie, and how I died three times to save Dean and lost my grace all over again to save him again._

_‘He saved Dean so often. He’s so in love. He did everything for him. I don’t doubt that Dean loves him, or why. This is...astounding, the lengths he went to for my boy,’ She prays subconsciously._

_Mary shakes her head, rubbing her eyes. “Damn. No wonder Dean loves you so much. The lengths you went to for him...that’s way more than anyone ever did. Just wish I’d been there to see it.”_

_I laugh, glancing towards Dean and John, who had taken their argument outside. “Yeah. I suppose it is. That’s why I fell for him so many times. I didn’t just lose my grace, losing it gave me the full range of human emotions and showed me that I loved him. I fell in love when I lost my grace. I fell from Heaven and tumbled head-over-heels, so to speak.”_

_Mary laughs warmly. “He doesn’t deserve any more that you. Like I said before, you’re already my son-in-law without the ring. He just needs to pluck up the courage, I know he’s got it in him.”_

_Heat floods my cheeks as I cringe, smiling shyly. “Really?”_

_Mary squeezes my shoulder. “Really. You’re quite literally a match made in Heaven. You’re perfect for him, you show him he’s worth saving.”_

_“Yeah...I guess so.” I glance at Dean. “He’s never argued so long, so loud. It’s strange of him.”_

_Mary edges closer to them, listening._

_“I don’t care!” Dean shouts. “You’re the one who hit me! You’re the one who beat on me and would’ve beat on Sam if I hadn’t kept him safe, kept him innocent! I raised him right, you just refuse to see it!”_

_“Wow,” Mary whispers, edging closer. “I’ve never heard anyone shout so passionately, even in my short-lived life. That is...strange, coming from such a sensitive kid.”_

_I glance at her, worried. “He might hit him. He’ll regret it.”_

_Mary sighs, studying Dean. “Yeah, he might.”_

_I frown, shivering. “That’s not helping. I don’t know, he’s not normally so heated—oh, no.”_

_“—Just because you don’t approve of Cas and I, and Sam and Gabriel, doesn’t give you the right to treat anyone like that! Just because you lost Mom doesn’t give you the right to hit me!”_

_“I knew he’d drag us into it somehow,” I mutter, staring at my feet. “You; me and him.”_

_Mary frowns, moving closer. “Maybe we should do something, before he says something he regrets or one of them swings at the other?”_

_I shake my head. He’s already thrown Dean, it’s too late. “A bit too late for that.”_

_“Don’t you dare drag your angel boyfriend and mother into this, Dean!”_

_Mary flinches. I shudder, stepping closer to her. “Did he seriously just call me...?”_

_“Yeah, he called you Dean’s ‘angel boyfriend’. Like you’re just a puppet—and deaf.”_

_I protest quietly, “I can hear through walls! I’m a _celestial_ being with extremely good hearing.”_

_Mary shakes her head. “He doesn’t realize that. He’s yelling and doesn’t think you’ll notice.”_

_“He’s not my...my boyfriend, he’s...he’s the guy who literally raised my dumb ass out of Hell!” Dean stammers, stopping in his tracks and blinking. “Hang on. Son of a bitch, did I just— _”__

_I flinch, turning away. “Oh, no. There he goes. He said something he’s going to regret already. Nothing stops him like guilt over me.”_

_I step forward, towards him as Dean pleads, ‘Cas, I am so sorry you got dragged into this! This has nothing to do with you, it’s between Dad and I.’_

_Dean almost turns but catches himself. “She’s my mother! She died because she made a deal with a demon who killed her family to save your life, you ignorant prat!”_

_Mary smiles, nodding. “That is true and I approve of that.”_

_John sputters. “She made the deal because she wanted to! I never asked her to!”_

_“That is also true,” Mary murmurs, glancing at me. “Cas, you alright?”_

_“Yeah.” I shut my eyes and a tear slips free. ‘It’s not your fault, Dean,’ I insist quietly._

_“Just...Dean’s pleading with me and it hurts.”_

_“He’s...what?”_

_I flinch. “Oh, he can pray to me. Anyone can, I’m still an angel. Sam’s praying to Gabriel to heal his feathery ass right now. He’s trying to apologize, he knows I can hear.”_

_“You’re the reason she did!” Dean shouts, his voice cracking. “I wasn’t even born yet!”_

_John flinches, bringing his fist up. “You would never have been born if she had let me stay dead!”_

_“I didn’t...I never asked to be born! I’m tired of this shit, tired of this job, tired of this life!”_

_Mary blinks, stepping forward. “He did it. Cas, I need you.”_

_I turn, offering my hand. “They’ve gotten to the subject of you and me. Of course John’s crossing lines that should never be crossed.”_

_Mary takes my hand and we appear next to the arguing pair._

We snap back and I shrug. “You know the rest.”

Dean throws his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “I didn’t...I didn’t realize how much I meant to you.”

I wrap my arms around him. “There’s no place I’d rather be, I’ve said it before. I’d _much_ rather stay with you than deal with Naomi’s wrath.”

Dean laughs into my shoulder, fingers digging into my back. “Yeah, I got that, but...damn, Cas.”

I relax into his embrace, my eyes drifting closed. “You’re quite thick not to understand.”

Dean smiles, burying his face in my shoulder. “How’d you know about Hell?”

I shrug. “Well, I met you there. And you _looked_ far more tortured within than any soul on that rack. It hurt you to do that, to _break_ , far more than it did to _be_ tortured.”

“Yeah, it did.” Dean frowns. “But how’d you know I hated it so much?”

“Partially that. Partially...well, I don’t intend to make it awkward but you did call.”

Dean lifts his head to frown down at me. “When?”

I shrug. “While you were in Hell the second time. And at night.”

“At night?” Dean tilts his head. “I don’t remember that.”

“Well, you were technically asleep,” I murmur softly. “But you still yelled my name.”

“How?”

I shrug. “I don’t know _how_ , but you did. You had thousands of nightmares about it, about Hell. And anytime that happened, you’d call. I wasn’t going to ignore you.”

Dean loosens his embrace slightly to meet my gaze. “What did I...what’d I do?”

“You didn’t do much,” I mutter, dodging his gaze. “You just...called. And you were tossing and turning.”

Dean nods. “I’d expect as much. What’d you do about it?”

I wince. “Enochian lullaby composed of three poems. When strung together, it helps humans sleep and _can_ help an angel heal. Peacefulness, then emotion, then sleep. Totally different when separate, but when put together it works for everyone. I added a few lines here and there to keep Hell off your mind.”

Dean smiles. “That’s cool. I like that. Did it work?”

“For periods of time, yes. You slept well. But some nights were...worse than others.”

Dean laughs, his eyes alight with the fire of curiosity and something else. “Yeah, I’d expect so.”

“Sam was, luckily, asleep every time. Out cold. But you never really slept well.”

Dean pauses. “So what’d you do, bring Gabriel or something?”

“No.” I close my eyes, continuing shyly, “I just...didn’t leave. If you stirred again, I’d sing it again and you’d settle down. There were several times you just held my hand and slept the night through, no problem.”

Dean smiles gratefully. “Thanks for that. Didn’t Jimmy get tired or hungry?”

“Not really. After the first time, I started coming prepared, with five or six burgers. It wasn’t that bad.”

_He’s taking this really well._ I crack an eye open nervously.

Dean smiles, amused. “Always burgers with you.”

I smile shyly back, keeping my gaze downcast. “I like burgers.”

Dean reaches forward, tipping my head up with a finger under my chin. “Hey, that’s not a bad thing.”

I shiver, barely daring to meet his gaze. “Never said it was.”

Dean smiles, hugging me tightly again. “Did you say sometimes it can heal angels?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“Gabriel, maybe?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Not a bad idea, I suppose.”

Dean grins, releasing me at last and gesturing towards the door. “Give it a try. Can’t hurt.”

Dean knocks on the door. “Sammy?”

Sam clears his throat. “Come in.”

Dean pushes the door open and we slip in.


	8. Enochian Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Cas' POV, so much fluff. Gabriel recovers and Dean mentions John abusing him. Sam is, rightfully, furious that Dean kept it to himself--and Dean says he cared more about keeping Sam safe than himself. Fluff and brotherly moments. Gabriel and Cas talk about Heaven, and Sam is horrified. (He wasn't there when Cas first brought it up.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (There's some weird spacing on purpose so the punctuation and letters aren't overlapping)
> 
> Gabriel and Cas talk about Heaven, this takes liberties as this does with John & Dean's relationship. Lots of fluff. Dean finds comfort in moving closer to Cas when talking about John. :) Enochian poem-song thing (I wrote it 100% myself, don't know if it matches something else but if it does that's unintentional) and the sentence here that Cas is talking to Gabriel with is in complete italics--not to emphasize words, to emphasize different language.

Sam looks up, stress and worry creasing his usually peaceful and soft face. “Hey, Cas.”

I nod curtly. “Is he improving at all?”

“Only a little.” Sam sighs. “He’s healing really, really slowly.”

Dean glances at me. “We may have an idea that could help.”

Sam’s eyes light up. “Anything.”

I move uneasily towards Gabriel. “You might want to sit, Sam. I don’t know what effect it’ll have on you.”

Sam frowns. “What about Dean?”

“I already know what it does to him. Sit.”

Sam sinks into a chair at Gabriel’s side, bewildered. “How do you know...?”

“It’s an Enochian song, Sam, and it’s what helps humans sleep. It can help an angel heal, and we’re hoping it’ll work. It’s worked for Dean before, for different reasons.”

Sam nods slowly. “Okay.”

I place my hand carefully on Gabriel’s arm, weaving my way through the familiar verses and adding a few lines specifically for Gabriel about Sam and Dean and John—our family.

“ _Let peace be yours, let pain and hate flow out of you. Let faith and hope guide you, let fear and experiences shape you but not define you. Let love be yours to hold, yours to keep. Sam needs you, I need you, Dean needs you, you saved John and he too needs you. Mary is worrying over you, brother. Sam loves you, Gabriel, my brother and friend. Do not abandon us here, come back to us and recover from this Hellhound poison rushing through your veins. Sleep and heal, recover what once was yours. Let your vessel repair at its proper, angelic rate. Sleep and heal, return to us this day and forevermore. You love Sam and he you, you know it to be true._ ”

I weave through several times before the flat-lining heart monitor jumps, beeping normally again.

The heart rate accelerates as he begins to heal.

I lift my hand as Sam scoots his chair closer, rubbing his eyes. “Gabe?”

I shiver, stepping back and murmuring in Enochian, “ _Remember what Mother Mary taught us before she vanished. Love before family, family before blood. Sam needs you, my brother. I...I need you._ ”

Gabriel gasps, cringing in on himself. Sam reaches out, catching his hand.

Gabriel’s hand closes on Sam’s and he squeezes, keeping the fragility of his hand in mind but still squeezing with his human-level strength. Sam winces, eyes wide.

Gabriel chokes, coughing up blood and spitting black Hellhound blood onto the bloody towel next to him.

I move forward, removing the towel and replacing it as Gabriel vomits more blood, spitting out the last of it. I throw both towels away, returning to Dean’s side.

Gabriel squeezes his eyes shut in pain, groaning. Sam squeezes his hand, studying him. “Gabriel?”

After several minutes of highly labored, gasping breaths, Gabriel finally lies still.

Sam reaches up his free hand to touch his arm gently. “Gabe, you okay?”

Gabriel’s eyes fly open as a small spark leaps between them, one of a mind-bonding type I recognize from the brief history books of the angels Naomi let me read.

Gabriel blinks rapidly, shaking his head dizzily. “Ow.”

Sam reaches forward, touching his forehead and gently wiping the blood off his mouth with a towel, tossing it over his shoulder directly into the trash.

Gabriel catches his breath, shuddering as his eyes refocus.

Sam sighs in relief. “Thank you so much, Cas.”

I nod politely. Dean moves forward, eyes wide.

Gabriel rubs his eyes with his free hand, pretending not to notice Sam’s hand on his. “Sam?”

Sam wraps his arms gently around Gabriel. “Gabriel.”

Gabriel coughs, leaning his head on Sam’s shoulder. “Is John okay? Are you okay? Is anyone hurt?”

“Not as far as I know.”

Dean winces. “Only from hurting each other. Welcome back, Gabriel.”

Sam looks up, releasing Gabriel. “Hurting each other?”

I shake my head. “Not now. ...Welcome back, brother.”

Gabriel smiles weakly. “I _heard_ you. Thanks, Cas.”

I smile shyly at him. “Dean’s the one who suggested it.”

“Well, thank you for suggesting it. Damn. I’m _really_ hungry now.”

I hand him a burger, still wrapped, from my pocket. It’s only a few minutes old, from a restaurant up the street. “Here.”

Dean stares at me. “You carry burgers in your pocket?”

“Not usually, but these are unusual circumstances.”

Gabriel takes a bite, swallowing and smiling slightly. “You’re the best brother ever.”

I shrug. “Not like Sam would let me give up if I considered it.”

I give Gabriel a meaningful look and a silent prayer: _You heard what I added to the poems. Sam loves you, he would never give up on you._

Sam blushes scarlet. “That’s what family’s for.”

“That’s what _love_ is,” Gabriel counters quietly. “Something I’ve never really felt before you.”

Sam’s blush deepens. “What’d you mean? Haven’t you ever...”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Angels are raised soldiers, we’re not allowed to have affection. You humans know what happened when Lucifer questioned a crap order and fell in love. It’s considered wrong, affection.”

I fidget. “I mentioned that earlier, while you two were upstairs at the house.”

Dean glances at me. “Yeah, he told me about that. They’re wrong. Love’s the best feeling in the world.”

I shrug. “Holding hands, kissing, hugging, even asking worriedly if another’s okay. It’s all foreign to us.”

Gabriel nods breathlessly. “Yeah. What he said.”

Sam shakes his head. “That’s just sad!”

“Dean said the same, as did Mary.”

Gabriel fidgets, swallowing. “It’s normal for us.”

“Cas said that,” Dean murmurs. “It’s normal. So is training to kill or be killed from three years old up. No mother, no father, nothing like we had, Sammy. Just war and righteousness to the point of being a dick.”

I smile slightly. “Exactly. Emotion itself is foreign, and I’ve had longer dealing with it than Gabriel has.”

Gabriel nods gratefully towards me. “I can’t exactly explain it, but he’s right.”

Sam squeezes Gabriel’s hand and he imitates a very well done look of surprise as his eyes fall on Sam’s hand on his. He blinks, moving his hand slightly under Sam’s in mock surprise.

Sam blushes and goes to move his hand, but Gabriel shakes his head, closing his hand on Sam’s. “No, it’s okay. Just...different, that’s all. You’d think the same if you’d grown up like me, in a place where affection is punishable by death.”

Sam smiles, his tension easing. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe to you. It’s been the policy since...”

I frown. “Since Naomi was put in charge, when God left.”

Dean glances at me. “She get a broken heart or something?”

“Perhaps. I’m too...too scared to ask her myself.” I shiver. “She’s still mad at me over you.”

“She’s probably furious with me over Sam more than ever,” Gabriel muses. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Sam winces. “Are you okay?”

Gabriel pauses, adjusting slightly. “I think so. I can heal now, with the poison gone. Even if I’m still hurt, I can recover.”

I glance at Dean and he inclines his head. _Go ahead. They’ll find out anyway._

I clear my throat. “I don’t intend to break the calm, but...Sam, you asked what we meant with... with hurting each other?”

Sam looks up. “So, what happened?”

Dean winces. “Dad and I had an argument. Dad insulted Mom, and Cas, and me, and you two. He, um...”

“He may have thrown Dean into a wall and punched him,” I finish quietly.

Dean flinches. “Yeah.”

Sam’s eyes widen and even Gabriel looks honestly surprised. “Dad did _what_?”

“Mary is currently with him, telling him off. He was about to hit Dean again.”

Sam shakes his head. “But that’s...”

“Normal,” Dean finishes quietly. “That’s what he _did_ when he got drunk. Used it as an excuse. He was worse when I kept him away from you.”

Sam’s eyes widen with comprehension. “Dad _beat_ you?”

Dean shrugs, crossing his arms defensively. “So?”

Sam’s eyebrows disappear up into his hair. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

Dean sighs, sliding closer to me. “Why do I keep _anything_ to myself, Sammy? Yeah, he was abusive. That’s true. But when he was tired after a hunt, he just kept saying how proud he was of me.”

Sam shakes his head, protesting, “ _Dean!_ ”

Dean flinches, gaze downcast. “Look, Sam, I was more worried he’d hit _you_ than I was about _myself_. Okay? I cared _more_ about _you_ and _your_ childhood than my _own_.”

Sam squeezes Gabriel’s hand, eyes still wide. “Okay.”


	9. Gabriel (Cas' POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary walks in and is delighted to see Gabriel up. Short and sweet. Cas decides to go talk to John, worried he's working himself up and not calming down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' POV. Cas is kinda awkward because Dean's hugging Mary and Gabriel & Sam are interacting so he's just like the third-wheel, so to speak.

Mary walks in, sighing. “Hey. You alright, Dean?”

Dean smiles uneasily. “Yeah, Cas healed me. I’m fine. You?”

“Well, John is cooling down.”

Gabriel fidgets and murmurs something to Sam, drawing her gaze.

“Gabriel!” Mary rushes forward, eyes alight. “Are you okay?”

Gabriel smiles weakly. “I think so.”

Mary hugs him gently. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He blinks, slowly wrapping his arms around her. His confused eyes meet mine, locking there.

Mary releases him, smiling. He moves his gaze back to her slowly, smiling shyly, startled.

Sam grins at Mary. “Hey, Mom.”

Mary ruffles Sam’s hair, smiling back. “Sammy. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Gabe’s okay, so am I.”

Mary smiles knowingly at him, eyes lit with a spark of—love?

Dean fidgets. “Thanks for...interrupting when you did.”

Mary wraps her arms around him. “Like I’d _let him_ hurt you. Not on my watch.”

Dean relaxes, wrapping his arms gently around her. “He’s done far worse than that when drunk.”

“Well, not anymore. I won’t let him.” Mary smiles and Dean buries himself in her shoulder.

Sam smiles at Gabriel as he nods, responding to something.

I fidget, the only one not interacting with someone. _Where’s...where’s John? I have a feeling he’s just heating up more, wherever he is._

Gabriel closes his eyes, murmuring something to Sam.

Mary releases Dean just as Sam drapes himself over Gabriel like a pillow, closing his eyes. Gabriel laughs quietly, lifting his arm and draping it gently over Sam’s back, rubbing his thumb lightly over Sam’s back.

Dean reaches out almost instinctively, taking my hand tightly in his. “So is he ever gonna apologize?”

Mary shrugs. “Eventually. Once he’s calm.”

Dean sighs. “I’m sorry everyone else got dragged into it.”

Mary smiles. “I don’t blame you.”

Sam grins at Gabriel. “It’s not _your_ fault, Dean. It’s okay, really.”

Gabriel winces. “It’s not your fault, Dean. You’ve treated me _far_ better than I deserve.”

Sam frowns at him, whining, “ _Gabe..._ ”

I shake my head. “Gabriel, brother, you deserve to be treated _better_ than you have been.”

Gabriel shoots me a pained smile. “I know I’ve been a jerk, Cas. I should’ve treated you _all_ better.”

I shake my head. “You didn’t know you were doing anything wrong. And Dean, like I said: people say things they don’t mean when they’re angry.”

Sam sighs. “Doesn’t excuse what Dad said about everyone.”

“No, but it does explain it to some degree.” I shrug. “Better than nothing.”

Gabriel smiles weakly. “I should’ve realized it. I’m not stupid.”

Sam flinches, frowning at him. “Gabe, I’ve beat myself up the same way over Jess. Don’t start that, you’ll never win it. Okay?”

Gabriel smiles softly at him, a loving and kind smile. “Okay.”

Dean flinches but doesn’t say anything. Mary glances at Dean, staying silent.

I glance at Dean, fidgeting. He seems to understand something’s off, shooting me a worried glance. _You okay? You’re acting weird._

_Just..._ I glance at Gabriel. _I have a bad feeling he’s working himself up. John._

_Go talk to him._ Dean nudges me, releasing my hand. _I know he’s got a bit of a soft spot for you._

_I’ll try._ I wince. _I just wish I didn’t have to face him alone after what he said about me._

_It’s okay. Like you said, he didn’t mean it. He was getting worked up._

I nod, blinking. _Okay._

Dean fades away, leaving me with a semi-empty feeling and a tidal wave of nervousness washing over me.


	10. Working Himself Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas talks to John. John is, as Cas suspected, only getting more angry every passing minute. He even swings at Cas! Of course, Dean is furious and even Mary is frustrated with him. Mary is all motherly over Cas and Dean gets him to talk about Naomi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' POV. Lots of fluff! While talking, Cas tries to comfort Dean (he's, of course, not very experienced...but he tries) and so they hug and they talk about stuffs. Dean says he doesn't need his father's approval but he wants it.

John stops mid-step, setting his foot down and spitting venomously, “I don’t wanna talk to you.”

I shrug. “Well, I want to talk to you. Like it or not, your attitude is your choice.”

John bares his teeth. “Go. Away. _Now._ ”

I recognize the warning signs Dean had warned me about earlier—the tone of his voice, his stance, and his bared teeth tell me I was right.

I shake my head. “Not until I’ve had my say.”

He stalks closer, snarling, “I don’t _care_ what you have to say.”

“You did earlier, when Dean explained about Heaven and...the lack of affection,” I counter honestly, gentle as I can. “What changed, then?”

John gets closer and I take a small step back, straightening stubbornly. “ _Dean_. Dean changed.”

I shake my head. “No, he didn’t. He was like that when I met him.”

John hisses, “Bringing up things like _that_ in public?”

I raise an eyebrow. “That actually started when _you_ showed back up.”

John goes red, his anger growing quickly. “ _You_ changed my boy!”

I shrug. “Maybe he’s changed from the boy you knew, but he’s a man now. He’s still _your_ son. He’s just grown up, matured, in his own time.”

“ _How—are—you—so—calm!_ ” He shouts, swinging.

I sidestep, letting his momentum carry him to stumble forward a few steps.

“Because,” I answer quietly, “I’m unaffected by your anger. It’s not being an angel, it’s just choosing what attitude I want to display. Either way, that’s besides the point.”

John starts shaking with rage. “ _I don’t care!_ ”

“You should.” I sigh, stepping back again. “Mary is scared of you, Dean is shaking, Sam is angry, and now Gabriel is awake—and also privy to Dean’s history with you.”

John snaps, “Who told them?”

“Dean did.” I raise an eyebrow. “Not that it should matter to you.

“Point is, you need to calm down and make things right. Apologize for what you said. I am not _just_ _his pet angel_ or something, I raised his _soul_ out of _Hell_. I went in when I didn’t have to, I did it for Dean. I went in and I lost my grace, I actually _lost my grace_ three times _just to keep Dean alive_.

“You don’t realize, for me, what that means. _I’m hunted. I rebelled._ And I did it, all of it, for Dean. Because, as Mary said, I love him and he loves me. I’m a celestial being with _excellent_ hearing, I heard every word and every insult that tumbled out of your mouth.”

John mouths wordlessly, too angry to respond. He tries to swing again and I barely flinch as his fist passes inches away from my arm.

“You do realize physical harm is no way to stop me, right? I can heal.”

“ _I swear to God, to Naomi, that I will kill you and Dean,_ ” he spits angrily.

“You realize how strong of a promise that is?” I counter kindly. “Naomi can hear you, though Father cannot. She’ll hold you to it, even after your anger wears off.”

He swings again, slamming a fist into my arm. “ _I will never calm down!_ ”

I raise an eyebrow, shrugging it off. “Besides, I have enough strength to kill you _even in the vessel_ if I felt like it. Thing is, I don’t. That would hurt Dean, since he still loves you. And you treated me quite well when I quite accidentally broke down in front of you, as you would’ve done in Dean’s memory. You treated me _like your son_ , and that earned you a degree of respect I never would’ve had.”

John exclaims in frustration, eyes bloodshot. “You don’t have the strength to—”

I grab his arm, exerting the vessel’s strength. “That’s just the vessel, not me.”

“Ow! Get off of me!”

I release him, crossing my arms. “See? I could break your arm if I wanted to.”

He bares his teeth, throwing another punch. I feel my ribs collapse into my left lung under his hand and wince, sighing.

He throws a punch again at the exact same spot and I wince, grabbing his arm with my full strength and shoving him away from me. “Just because I won’t _kill_ you, since Dean wouldn’t like it, _doesn’t_ mean I have to put up with your crap, John.”

John regains his balance, panting. “Ow! The Hell was that?”

“That’s what happens when I don’t hold back my full strength on your behalf.” I cough, dragging air into a burning lung.

John smiles bitterly. “You’re hurt.”

“I’ll heal.” I narrow my eyes. “However, unless you cool off and apologize, everyone’s wounded pride will stay as it is.”

John grits his teeth. “I’m _so_ scared, I pissed _you_ off. The robot who’s always calm.”

I shake my head. “You’re frustrating. I’m done, I’ve said what I wanted to.”

John vanishes. I shake off, rubbing my sore arm and covering the rib with that arm.

I drag air carefully into my burning lung, grimacing and murmuring, “ _Ow._ ”

Mary steps out of the ER, frowning at me and shutting the door behind her. “You okay, Cas?”

I shake my head. “I’ll heal, it’s fine. Though I was right in thinking he’s getting more worked up, clearly.”

Her eyes widen. “ _John_ hurt you?”

I shrug. “Yes. Just a few punches and spoken words, I’m fine.”

Mary scowls. “That’s _not_ okay.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You treat me just like you treat Sam and Dean. It’s...weird. _Different._ Sure, I saved both of them respectively, but...you care _far_ more than any angel ever has.”

Mary frowns, moving closer. “Why _wouldn’t_ I? You’re as good as my son. You’re not just the one who got them out of Hell, you make Dean as happy as I’ve _ever_ seen him—which, considering I knew him when he was a little bundle of joy as a little kid...is saying something.”

I wince. “You also missed how he _looked_ after Hell. He told Sam he wished he ‘ _couldn’t feel a damn thing_ ’ when describing Hell to him.”

Mary sighs. “Well, that was then. I’ve seen how he looks at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking. It’s a look full of more love than when he looks at Sam.”

I frown. “That’s probably because Sam didn’t save him when he had the chance, he chose himself over Dean. I _never_ have.”

Mary smiles. “And that right there is why he loves you. You always pick him over everything—even your grace, even an _army_.”

I smile slightly. “Yeah, I do.”

Mary sighs. “You want me to go get Dean for you?”

I bite my lip, answering, “You also happen to pick up on what I want without me telling you.”

Mary lightly pats my shoulder. “That’s part of being a mother. I’m intuitive like that.”

I smile gratefully as she slips back in. I shiver, swallowing and dragging air into my still-burning lung. _It should be healing, but it’s not._

Dean slips out, closing the door gently behind him. “What’s wrong? Mom said something about Dad?”

I cough, wincing. “Well, I was right. He _was_ working himself up.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he moves forward, away from the door and closer to me. “ _What?_ What’d he do?”

I sigh, coughing blood into my hand. “He yelled and swung a few punches.”

Dean catches my hand, frowning at the blood splatter. “Shouldn’t you be healing?”

“That’s the thing,” I murmur quietly. "I'm _not_ healing. I should be but I'm not.”

Dean swallows, gently touching my shoulder. “Where did he...?”

I reach over, brushing my fingers over my sore arm. “He can hit pretty hard when he wants to.”

Dean gently touches the spot, frowning. “I know he can.”

I cough, catching the blood splatter in my hand. “Ow.”

Dean frowns, wiping blood off my lip with his jacket sleeve.

I lightly touch the tender spot, wincing. “And here, twice.”

Dean reaches out, putting his hand over mine. “ _Why?_ ”

I shrug. “I don’t know. He _seemed_ furious I was so calm, but he was just...angry.”

Dean frowns. “Just from my experience with coughing up blood after being hit by him...he probably broke a rib or two.”

I wince, studying Dean. “That would explain why it burns whenever I breathe.”

I catch a look I wouldn’t’ve noticed if I hadn’t been looking for it—a spark of fury in his eyes, his mouth twitching towards a scowl.

Dean quickly covers it up, grimacing. “That means at least _one_ rib punctured your lung.”

I sigh, wincing. “Like I said, he punches _hard_ when he’s angry.”

“Yeah, he does.” Dean sighs, fidgeting. “Especially while drunk.”

I reach out shyly, placing a hand on his shoulder like he’s done before for me. “Hey, Dean, you okay?”

Dean chokes, moving closer. “Not exactly. I don’t know what to think. First he’s proud and he likes everyone, then he’s insulting everyone and throwing me around and hurting you...”

I take a small step closer, lowering my voice. “Dean, he’ll come ‘round. People say and do things they don’t mean to when they’re angry. He still loves you, and he’ll adjust to Gabriel and I.”

Dean shakes his head. “Never like this. It was just _me_. That I can deal with. It’s just that...he hurt you, he hurt Gabriel—I know he’s hurting, even if he won’t admit it just like me. He wounded Sam’s pride _and_ his trust in him when Sam heard about when we were younger. He even hurt Mom, I can see the anger in her eyes when she sees the layers of hurt in all of us.”

I frown, ignoring the stabbing pains in my side as I breath in slowly. “Dean, you can tell people when you’re hurting. Friends and family are there for you.”

Dean looks up, tears blurring his beautiful green eyes. “ _I_ taught you that, didn’t I?”

I hesitate, remembering all the times he was there for me. “Yeah. There were...there were times I didn’t say and it’s like trying to carry the weight of worlds, as you’d say, especially when others _know_ something’s wrong. Even if I didn’t say something, you could tell when something was off.”

Dean laughs softly. “Yeah. It’s not hard with you.”

I smile faintly. “That’s because I’m inexperienced with emotion, let alone getting a handle on it.”

Dean smiles weakly, wilting slightly under my gentle hand. “Yeah, I know.”

I grimace. “Are you okay? _Will_ _you be_ okay?”

Dean pauses. “Maybe. It’s better. If he comes around, I will be. If he doesn’t...I don’t _want_ to send him back to Azazel, but if I have to make that call, I will.”

I wrap my arms gently around him, murmuring, “You realize you don’t _need_ his approval to be happy, right? Because you don’t, you just need your own.”

Dean wraps his arms carefully around me, avoiding the ribs and burying his face in my shoulder. Muffled, he mutters, “Yeah, but I still _want_ his approval to be who I am.”

I smile sadly. “Hey, you’re not alone in that. It makes you happy, shoot for it. But that doesn’t mean you have to wait on him to live your life. Shoot for the stars, enjoy life.”

I pause, chuckling. “You quite literally shot for the stars, you caught an angel.”

Dean laughs into my shoulder, his tears soaking through my coat. “Yeah, I s’pose I did. Where’d you learn all that? I don’t think _I_ taught you that.”

I wince, tightening my grip on him. “No, it was only _somewhat_ you, more by your actions than your words. But needing someone’s approval? Go for it if it makes you happy, don’t wait on someone else? Yeah, that wasn’t you. That was...experience.”

Dean frowns, lifting his head to look at me. “Experience with...?”

I bite my lip, fidgeting. “Naomi and my father.”

Dean blinks, mouth opening. “ _What?_ ”

I shrug. “He’s my father, whether or not we agree. And you know Naomi held me back. I wanted her to come around, to understand. I’ve tried to explain it to her, to explain family and friends. But she just won’t budge. There’s a point when you have to give up, even if you don’t want to.”

Dean shakes his head. “But why? She’s a manipulative bitch.”

“She’s the closest I ever came to a mother,” I counter quietly, swallowing. “Mary is...what I wanted her to be like. Understanding, loving. She even picked up on when I wanted to talk to you without me saying a word.”

“If Naomi was like Mom, then Heaven would be a much better place and all the angels would fight even harder because they’d fall in love, make friends.”

I smile, nodding. “Exactly. I even tried that angle. Clearly, it didn’t work, but...it was worth a shot.”

“Let me talk to her.”

I blink, raising an eyebrow. “She’d kill you on sight. She wants you dead, why do you think she tried to make me kill you? You really think she’d even _listen_ to _anything_ you have to say?”

Dean nods slowly. “I’ll _make_ her listen. I know how it feels to have nothing be good enough for them, considering Dad. She’s always disapproving when you save me, I can explain better than you. Like you said, you’re inexperienced with emotion. I’m not. I know how to explain the inexplicable emotions like love and pride and kinship.”

“She’s always disapproving no matter what I do,” I mutter under my breath.

Dean shakes his head. “Yeah, Dad was like that. I’m not letting you go through the same bullshit because she doesn’t want to listen or understand.”

I feel a wash of gratitude and shrug. “I’ve dealt with it my whole life.”

Dean smirks. “It’s never too late to start over.”

I blink, twitching in his warm embrace. “After she tried to make me _kill_ you?”

Dean shakes his head stubbornly. “Not even then.”

I shake my head, lowering my gaze from his. “You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m stubborn as Hell. And I can honestly say that, I lasted thirty whole damn years being tortured three hundred and sixty-five days a year.”

I smile shyly. “True.”

Dean takes my hand tightly in his, the puppy-eyed look his brother had mastered slipping through the mask of calm he had put on every day for most of his life. “ _Please?_ ”

I flinch, shivering. “Not like I _can_ stop you.”

Dean grins, nudging me gently. “You _could_ if you felt like it.”

I smile uneasily, closing my hand on his. “Maybe, but you’re impossible to argue with.”

“Cause I’ve got _logic_ on my side.”


End file.
